i wrestle back and forth

between blessing and blaming
between forgiving and judgment
between pointing here and pointing there
between being better than and worse than

i read the most recent words
and i wrestle
and i remember
the words are a constant reminder
of what belongs to me
and what does not

i must sift the words and release
those which are untrue

i must bless and not curse
for that would destroy me

i must forgive and not judge
for i know that i do not know or understand

i must point inward and not outward
for i can account only for what lies within

i must not compare
for we are different

i must release the sifted words
for they are not mine
they are not me
they belong to another
they belong to their author
they are not mine

ease to say
so difficult to do
but i will try to continue
to redirect myself towards

but then sometimes
i get concerned that
i might sublimate my anger
so there is that