sometimes I am so stupid.
my bad. in a moment of weakness (which I don’t really consider weakness. but it feels like it) I truthfully “liked” something from my tribal past. shouldn’t have revealed myself. it was removed. fb glitchiness (which definitely happens) or people glitchiness (also which definitely happens). i will never know which. my historical self would assume the former no matter the evidence; now i’ve learned to accept (not really) the latter as equally a reality. undisclosed internal effect has followed because no matter the internal rational against it, i have experienced it as the latter. this again is another reminder to not reveal my heart again to people who choose to remain in the closing crushing waters of my history, my Egypt. I hate the mantra that now lives in my soul–close and protect, close and protect. it is so opposite to how I used to be wired, seems wrong to me, it grates me, unsettles me, hurts me, is a death of sorts, but I see me living this mantra out. and my hermitage becomes all the more lovely with its microcosm of forest and deer and hawk pods. I stand within its edges, holding as still as possible to let it wash over and through me. there will be manna again tomorrow.0