2012 day 6 | change, she finds me and, yes, I am afraid, trying to avoid, ducking into lethargy

no blog posts naturally surface
quiet corners remain still enshadowed
am I guarded even against myself
does an unconscious fierce hiding hold on
emanating from deep exposures
real and not

how do I let go of one line
to enter another
even knowing a line is never one
but many, interwoven, inseparable
a living, moving path
a thread to be followed
not pulled, no
I’ve done that before and in horror
watched the unraveling

change, again I find myself at her edge
I am unsure as to the arrival
it seems almost never of a conscious choice
yet I know this to be simply untrue
I avoid the knowing
ducking into lethargy
I am afraid to look still
at the ways I’ve written my thread
but I sense her

though i still hunt a knowing
from where she comes
where she will take me
this time I try to enliven her steps
to future cast, to do the work
prepare for the edge to step from
no. more a preparation for the step itself
into a tomorrow that becomes
a today in which I want to dwell

change, she finds me
and yes I am afraid
even without pulling

I guess I did have a post
one that beckoned me in the writing
so I write to right myself