2012 day 19 | dreamed about how the heck I was going to disassemble

really just my brain mapping/fretting out my week. dreaming about outrigging and where the heck I will put my tool trunk for transport. gosh I haven't even finished yet! and I really just got into a rhythm. perhaps I should just quit

my job and residency hop for a year or two. bahahaaa. don't tell my dad that thought even ran through my head. oh that would be so fiscally responsible! but hey, I only had a rough idea but not till I arrived spending sometime here did it really gel. schnap! and i am rather pleased with it and what ive been learning from it. residency hopping would mean releasing hold of my tubular tendencies as they don't go well with vagabonding. hmmm 4-5 options for 2013-2014–keep doing what I am doing where I am, uproot, venture out and do it somewhere else, plunge into a creative writing mfa/phd or visual phd to explore the juncture between making and writing because there is definitely one and I find it fascinating, learn to harness, direct and do something with my writing (plus still making), or residency hop (well my fiscal self probably will nix that but it is an interesting thought rolling in my head. not a good sign that there is actually room up here for it to roll…). solution. seriously knock on the doors (apply) of each this fall and see what doors open and then go through just one. my dad's 80 and still works (by choice), which means possibly 30 more years, mom's 76, 26 more years, my gram's adventure went to 99 with only the last 4 days not perky and sprie, that gives me, 49 years. so I should at least future cast my heart into the next ten. so I need to tie my flies and fling the line out there to see which doors they may drop into or snag open. obviously I could get squished dead while dangling over the forest floor or trip and bang my head even today but that's not worth planning for and I've decided, at this very moment, to stop planning for MS, Parkinson's, and/or Alzheimer's (I couldn't possibly save enough anyway at this point to dent any of those) which have played out alongside some of the longevity in my family. worry wart I am. worry worry. but I'd like to change that and focus on future casting vs future fearing.