day 9 | ruins

i like to think i am lead by the writing but this bout, i am lead by the making. an odd anti-cognitive language in which my body works out in material choices and forms what i cannot cognitively access. this is how i began this residency and my studio practice. writing was occurring concurrently with the physical practice but there was yet a dialogue between the two, between making and writing. i look at my initial works and now they just scream my own denied histories, but then, i couched them in commentarial cultural reflections.

twenty-five womb like vagina carcasses suspended as though in a meat locker, superficially cultural commentary in response to Jean Baudrilliard’s text, The Conspiracy of Art (2005). In that, it was even only a response to one phrase, ambient pornography. Now, even earlier (2008), I understood it as not a cultural reference, but a type of grief as i move into the cultural space of the no longer feminine.
listening to a lecture last night, Kevin Appel, the words that surfaced that take up space in me, in my work — absence, loss, domestic, dissolution, cataclysm, collapse, decay, longing, ruins. my own words that coalesce around these phrases as well, thresholds, memory, archived, flattened, reedited, rewritten. i am sure there are more that keep surfacing. if you follow any of my blogs, you probably could generate a list as well as i. could be an interesting study, with the right engine to cull over the blogs for repeated words and usage counts . hmmmm. might have to ask around. sure it is doable. oops, tangent. 
….so what are the current forms pulling to my surface around these words? hmmm. it’s scale is dwarfed by 2000 mile tacoma transport system. this parameter of scale often impacts the object in terms of manifested meaning vs what might otherwise come to fruition. 

then there are the fabulous walking breaks on which to ponder all these things. hopefully i always check before i go in public. fortunately today, i did. i was a bit tire skid marked up!
a little scrubbing and bam, i was walking and absorbing what is.

one beautiful. amazing. the other just made me laugh at the mismatched roof line with an apparent forklift. crunch, crunch. this was beautiful as well, almost like an ekg graph of a living thing.


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