stories twisted and gnarled, exaggerated and not, are told both to ourself and others to hold our own identities and sense of goodness and rightness intact. when the hurt and stress is enough, whatever coping mechanism is already in place will be used in the stories tell. for most, me and others, the mechanism isn’t really that functional and it tends to wreck havoc and make things worse. then we each are typically compelled to generate more staunchly the twists of stories and their lines to justify the flailing of hurt. the question I would have is can these habits of defense be laid aside and what has been good be honored and what has hurt be handled gently.