i try to follow his rules

i try to follow his rules
i try to follow them and keep his silence
so instead of communicating when
it makes sense; when it would be natural
to resolve things that come up in this horrible process,
dispel misunderstandings, get clarification, reduce fear
i hold it in; i stuff it per the required rules
then it leaks out through written correspondence
and by the time it leaks out
it is never pretty

it would be better just to have straight forward

communication is a good thing
especially amidst painful processes

texts, emails, and the written word
are only good for processing but
not for communicating.
they often lead me
to misunderstanding
and misexpression
and deep hurt.

true communication occurs
when two sit down together
and talk WITH one another–
speaking and listening,
hearing the words, the body, the soul
and speaking in kind.

communications is a better way
then rules of silence and avoidance
which make things far worse

the rules of silence and avoidance
didn’t work in the marriage
why would they work in its dissolution


1 Response

  1. As in the marriage, I try to follow the written and unwritten rules with the exception of one huge painful one this past year which cannot be fixed. I cannot unbreak what I broke. But I suppose I can be punished for what I cannot unbreak.