day 4 | revisiting the near past [very] as i unpack to begin movingforward again
My go to stress indicator omg I feel FAT. Picture says, WRONG GOOBER; clearly you are stressed out of your wazoo to think that self. Admittedly I have put on weight since my ~115 refugee look (what the hell are movie stars thinking…at 5’9″ that just look sick). Now up to a whooping 125-27 or so. The difference feels fat but in fact is NOT. Though it would be equiv to ten 1lbs steaks being sewn on to my frame, typically my ass. Perhaps i exaggerate a tad, but my emotions scream fat. I actually needed some of those steaks staked to my frame. Why would I be noting feelings of fat…stress? SSTRRRRESSSSS. Ha! Long-term exposure to stressful, even hostile, environment. Crap. Yup. Fat is my go to stress indicator for about 35 years. No matter how deeply I crawl into my woods, it does not alleviate the stressful environment.