9
Oct
2015
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breaching this space aloud

for me the most effective way to proof my writing is to read it out loud. i usually don’t. despite what appears to be exhibitionism on my fb status updates and my documentation of my art practice, my life habits perpetually move me to the background.

meaning in certain ways, in certain arenas, i am uncomfortable in being seen. for instance, walking my dog. i loved to walk in the hood of my hermitage because i could walk for an hour and a half and no one would see me.

hermitage hood

hermitage hood

sigh.

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the leashed leisure life of lubbock littered with residential and vehicular onlookers

now, i walk the heart of lubbock littered with residential and vehicular onlookers. surprisingly this context requires an emotional effort for me to broach such a public sphere. once the public space is pierced, i am fine. but, the initial drive to enter it requires conscious effort and is emotionally draining.

so back to proofing. even in an empty house, with just a pup as audience, i become uncomfortable piercing the aural space with the clunk of my words as though a critical other is listening. of course this other is an imagined social extension of my self pretending to be a harsh other–in fact this self-other isn’t even really harsh anymore, just watching with no intention of pouncing. reading out loud is being seen even if i am alone. reading out loud, at least the initial slither of sounds as words fall off my lips and are hammered out into real space beyond the confines of my mind, is disconcerting. it actually makes me emotionally uncomfortable. i have no idea why this is so.

sigh.

but breaching this space i must, as i continue to read items already turned in that are littered with the mushy mutations of my mind that find their way on to my page.
read out loud kathy!

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