Monsters in the attic

I noticed this before but especially the last three years as I watch people construct monsters in their mental attics. Why do most of us do this? Actually I haven’t met anyone who does not do this to some degree. We take the non-monsters from our lives and if a day comes when a wound runs deep…MONSTER! But I think when the wound runs deep and we lash out with words, actions and fears, when we exaggerate histories, ascribe imagined meanings, attribute evil where there is none, excommunicate in the name of god, get lost in blame, THEN the only way we can hold on to our identity as a good person, in spite of cruelties done from our own pain and flailing, we must make that other into a monster. If we recall them as monster, distorting our own histories and memory with exaggerations and falsehoods buried deep in our fears, then we have the illusion that our shame doesn’t reveal our heart’s course. Many monsters in our attics manifest from our shame. to admit that, blame would have to be set aside–both of oneself and other [the monster].

so what monsters lay in wait in my attic? i definitely have some but worse than the monsters in my attic is the fact that i can’t (meaning i don’t have the heart to) really play with children any more. there is no monster there. i just look at them and it hurts too much. children really can’t play with a weeping woman. so i don’t even try. i don’t think i have the energy or heart to try now or again…far too tattered, the grief great.

i can’t really be a part any more either. again it hurts too much. i suppose there are monsters there. i have my own new monsters and sharks…they swim in the mind of my constantly dredged histories…daily, when i wake up, when i try to close my eyes at night. in my mind i keep trying to console and comfort the monsters and sharks, but as in life they are deaf and mute and blind. i do what i can to drown these fictional monsters and sharks of their sting.

what monsters creep in your attic? do you really want to leave people you love donned in your man-made monster masks? eventually, though the monster stays on, while the person shoved behind the fear laden mask withers away. combine shunning with your group’s artificial man-made monster masks and they can actually kill all that is and was real. It is the nature of some divorces.


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