2012 day 19 | I catch myself talking over, under and through

when I really want to be listening, to actually be present. my two cents are my two cents, they are my blurts and run ons and see mes. i cannot hear or connect through my ons and mes. I find this unattractive, unproductive, deforming as a habit. I am pretty sure I know why these over, unders and throughs manifest as my blurt ons and see mes, though I am unsure as to whether or not I actually want to or can unpack this habit. there is a definite handful of things I don’t unpack before this one way mirror. but it’d probably be good to unpack at least into UNposted posts for my own benefit. blogging is such a one way mirror. those that read along, in spite of my UNPOSTED posts and my unpacked bags, may actually know my rhythms far better than I and hear the unpacked, unposteds between the lines from the safe distance of the one way mirror.

but what unforming manner shall be embraced to release the blurt ons and see mes that cause me to talk over, under and through. how to unform? do I simply spend too much time alone that it makes me hard of ear?

I’d like to catch myself in the act (even before when it is just rolling on my tongue) and relax into silence and the listening, flipping my lip switch from on to off.

in many ways perhaps writing is a way to allow for my blurts ons and see mes in a way that detracts less for it allows another to choose to glance through my mirror of their own accord. no captive audience I’ve inadvertently cornered with my overs, unders and throughs. and what role of the hermitage? time in the woods? how does this relate to tge making? I don’t think it is that I want to be different than I am, to be other, well maybe a little. i for sure just want ti unlearn some learnings (habits) I’ve acquired that unnecessarily laden my unpacked bags. I’d be ok with some unlearning. unlearning, unpacking. yes please.


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